"I've had it up to here with this tiny apartment" said Eric, a large Canine, "sometimes I just think screw you, and I rip up a few cushions or take a dump in the bedroom, but mostly I just lie on the couch and think about chasing pigs and mounting small dogs".
" my husband picks up Eric's gigantic turds every night when he gets his walk, what else can he do?"
Eric has been secretly using the computer while the humans are gone, uploading his profile picture to several dating services
"the drinking at home really had to stop, I was going through 24 cans a day. Sometimes when the humans got home I could hardly lift my head"
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